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Why we don’t say everything when we say something? June 19, 2013

Posted by Shahir in As You Thinketh, Corporate.
Tags: , ,

Old manThis might appear too obvious to you, but these are the fundamentals of communication – even before you decide to blink and with it convey a message!

We observe things around us – people, objects – and create patterns of its appearance, occurrence, size and shape, its sound and silence, to put them all together to create a set of standards of those observed objects and people, standards that will become its rule of engagements.

These standards remain in our heads, forming expectations of how these objects and people should behave, appear, or should not. They are not communicated, for, it’s assumed that it’s how it should be.

John comes to the park every morning, and sat on the bench beside the oak tree. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, everyday 6 in the morning, with a newspaper in his hand. Smith too comes to the same park and sit on the bench beside the pond full of lilies and lotus, with some flakes to feed the fish. Smith’s observation of John is someone who comes at 6 in the morning, every day, and sits on the bench beside the oak tree. When he one day moved from the  bench beside the oak tree and came and sat on the bench beside the pond, it breaks the pattern.

Smith began to think why he is coming and sitting on my bench! His bench is the one beside the oak tree. The pattern is breached. The occurrence not meeting the standard devised from the pattern of life around Smith. A conflict of interest arises as a result, causing friction, slight frustration, negative energy and therefore the feelings getting translated in the way he looks at John, the tone of voice – or the intensity of silence.

John in this case is in true sense innocent. He didn’t know the standards Smith has set for John – that the pattern he created is in conflict with his behavior today, disturbing the eco-system of Smith who has designed his mornings in the park with John in the seat beside the oak tree. The vacuum it created there, and the space that is now filled in the seat beside the pond are in conflict with his mental design of a good morning.

How often we design standards on behaviours and performance of others around us, inadvertently, from the patterns we dissect through our observations of people and objects in our surroundings, a crack in which causes us to frustrate? Often times, our expression of thoughts are just the tip of an iceberg of standards we created deep inside us of those around us,  those around us oblivious of what standards they are and therefore being non-committed to its adherence.

Relationships gets a dent when such hidden standards are operating in our minds from the patterns we observe in the shape of our own convenience that are in its true sense distant from the reality of the person and object that we are observing.

What patterns are you observing in people and objects around you with which you are creating standards that may not be healthy to demand adherence for, causing friction in your life, career etc?





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